In which things are written

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Of Guppies and Sharks (a mermaid AU Swoncest fic)

I saw this picture by catnippackets and then my hand slipped. For 1,213 words…

Oh god, writing Swag and One is so amusing despite it being my first time so please take their personalities with a grain of salt if they’re a little ooc. This is also unbeta’d so feel free to let me know of any grammatical mistakes.



The voice jostled the merman out of his thoughts and he turned toward the source, unsurprised to see Swag heading his way. Not many dared to interact with him due to his “intimidating appearance” or something, it wasn’t as if it was rare to have the genetics of a shark or anything. Nor the appetite of one… Speaking of which, the fish he had been chewing on seemed to be nothing but bones and a head now. A shame, really, he had been enjoying the taste and he couldn’t remember exactly where he’d managed to pick the particular type and with only a head left, there wasn’t much to work with should he go hunting again…

“Helloooo! Coral reef to bloodmouth! Don’t tell me you beached your brain while you were swimming around on your own. I just finished preening my fins the other day and I am not about to ruin them crawling up onto land to get all shriveled and torn just to retrieve it for you. I’ll have you know if I’m going to be caught by a human, you can bet I’m going to be looking my best because I shore as shell ain’t gonna be sold for mere pebbles!”

“Did you actually need me for something?” One inquired before lowering his voice to a mumble, “You’re doing that fish pun thing again…”

Swag was swimming circles around One as he talked, obviously caught up in his little monologue. Which was fine with the larger merman, he had only started listening halfway through but judging from what he had heard, Swag wasn’t really saying anything of importance.

At the prompted question, Swag stopped his circling and immediately darted over to One, his fanned tail catching a few rays of the sun and making it appear the shimmer in the light. Well, if One was honest, everything on the smaller merman shimmered in the light; his genetics were at the top of the list when it came to their society. Swag had the fin shape most guppies dreamed of, not to mention the coloring of both his fins and tail were highly sought after since they blended with his elaborate coral home perfectly, his build was effeminate but that was only natural for guppies, and his hair…

His hair… well… Now that he was thinking about it… It looked…

“This is the worst possible thing to happen to me! I was in the reef, minding my own business, when this squid just barreled right into my head like it was a lighted beacon or something! As if I could be mistaken for one of those hideous anglerfish, I mean, have you seen my fins? And while I know all the ladies want a piece of my fine tail, this one obviously didn’t want to wait in line. Didn’t even try to engage in any proper ritual so double fucking rude! And to top it all off, I got some sort of disgusting STD because if it! I can’t even run my hands though my hair without it getting tangled, oh god, do you think it’s deadly? I didn’t think of that! I can’t die this young! I still have so much to live for!”

Swag was gripping his shoulders at this point, physically shaking One in his panicked state. From what he could tell, it was a mess of fishing wire, algae, and hair all knotted together; probably made worse by Swag trying to get it out himself. 

“Calm down, lemme get a look at this,” One sighed as he ducked out of Swag’s hold, curving around the smaller merman to view the damage from behind and experimentally ran a hand through the mess. It did tangle but there was some give indicating that it could probably be worked out with some patience. 

“Don’t go getting homo on me, too. I already hit my sexual assault limit for the day.”

One rolled his eyes as he took hold of Swag’s shoulders, guiding him down toward a rock big enough to rest on. “I’ll get it out, though it’s gonna take a while,” he explained, examining the bones of his previous meal, it would work for a make-shift comb.

“As long as I don’t look like a hermit crab’s shell anymore, I can deal with you running your hands through my hair. Just try not to get any fish blood in it.”

The process was slow, gray hands running though Swag’s black hair to find each of the knots before he would start using the bones to work out the majority of the tangled wires. The smaller knots were carefully untangled with the white tips of his fingers, the bones of the fish being too far set to be of much use. During the time, Swag chattered nonstop about this and that. One mostly tuned him out, an occasional grunt or one word answer sufficing for his end of the conversation.

He pulled the last of the filth out of Swag’s hair, running his fingers and the comb through again to make sure he didn’t miss anything. 

“I hope you’re making me look pretty,” Swag commented with closed eyes and a smile, his head had gradually tipped back during the process. He was obviously enjoying the detailed attention to his hair.

“Oh yeah,” One couldn’t help responding, “You’re gonna look beautiful. The best looking guppy in the ocean.”

“Psh! I already am the best looking. You really can’t improve perfection but I’ll give you points for trying.”

One finally pulled his hands away, discarding the now useless fish bones as he circled around Swag, looking over his handiwork. He honestly wouldn’t have put much effort into it had it not been Swag to ask. The kid was annoying at times but he was still one of the very few merfolk to willingly interact without judging him so One figured he could return some of that in his own way. 

He paused his circling when he felt Swag’s hand around his wrist, tugging him over. One glanced down where they were connected, the blue appearing even more vibrant against the gray of his own flesh before his sight was filled with the black of Swag’s hair and the feeling of arms wrapping around his torso. 

“Since I can’t really think of any other way to thank you, you get one gay hug as payment.”

The older merman chuckled at that, loosely wrapping an arm around Swag’s shoulders and ruffling his hair with his freed hand. It earned him a small squeeze before Swag pulled away with a huff, smoothing down his hair.

“Alright, I‘m cutting you off. I already have enough of your homo pheromones on me, attracting a hot babe is gonna be at least four times more difficult now even with my good looks.”

“I’m sure you’ll manage somehow.”

“Please. Who could ever resist me and my charm?”

Swag was quick to fill up the momentary silence between them with his rambling again, most likely stroking his own ego, but as One tuned him out he let the question bounce around in his head. A small grin appeared on his face as he watched the other gesture dramatically, basically talking to hear himself at this point.

Who indeed…”

Filed under swoncest One Swag mermaid AU catnippackets art what do i tag this as? swunday

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    HOLY MOTHER OF ONCE-LER I AM SO OMG I was smiling like an idiot the entire time I CAN’T SAY HOW MUCH I LIKE THIS WOW Two...
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